The Navigators
- yui sato
- Jan 9, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 31, 2019
Dedicating this article to my dear friend Kathryn because I promised her.
The ending of finals should bring forth joy and happiness but the weight of sadness overpowered me. It meant that I was going to be away from my friends for a month while I went back home to California. As Kathryn and I sat at a café on the last day of our finals, she gave me the idea to write a reflection of my first semester. It's something I have been wanting to for a while now but perhaps, I did not have the courage to. A small part of me knew that despite the emotions that emerges from writing this article, I can look back on it someday.
My friendship with Kathryn gradually developed throughout the semester - it wasn't a relationship that immediately grew. I am sure she knows that as well but it's true. It started from asking each other questions on math to getting breakfast every other day to even trying to attempt to run each morning. But, my walls were up - so high that no one could jump over them and discover who I really was as a person. However, these walls started caving in on me: I felt lost and in multiple circumstances did I ask myself why I moved all the way to the midwest. Kathryn saw right through me as if I were transparent and she understood what I had been going through. The casual conversations we shared were soon replaced by more serious conversations and it made me realize that throughout my life, I never really had someone so close to me ask me if I was okay. She embraced my answer that I wasn't okay; I cried with her more times than I ever had in front of my friends back home. I remember that one Friday night when she introduced me to Isaiah and Josh, two individuals of whom alongside Kathryn have given me nothing but endless support throughout the semester.
Praying, worshipping, and attending Sunday service wasn't on my agenda when I came to Wisconsin. I remember when I went to church for the first time and I was holding back tears because everything that the person discussed about in terms of finding joy even during the hardest times was something I struggled with. I struggled to find that sense of joy in my own life. But it wasn't just me. He asked us to raise our hands if we currently struggle with depression and as my hand was raised up in the air, so were my friends around me. Even my closest friends were in the same battle as me. I don't quite recall what triggered the emotions that morning but what I do remember was that I needed this in my life. At first, it was a little odd for me to pray with my friends but over time, praying became my way to release my emotions and most importantly, I was able to let my walls down. Letting these walls down became my beacon of strength and pride, something that I never thought that I would possess in my life.
"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Nav Night quickly became a routine of mine each Friday but it was a challenge to gain the free-will to get myself there. It felt like there were two heavy weights on my shoulders: "Should I go and worship?" or "Should I stay behind and work on homework?" It became a seesaw each week. Some days, going felt like the best option but other times, staying in my room felt necessary in the moment. It wasn't up until I attended Bible Study with Megan and Kathryn that for the first time, I envisioned myself in the future with one option: to worship.
I was scared at first though. Coming from a nonreligious background, I did not know what to expect but nonetheless, I have met some of the most amazing individuals through Nav Night. There's too many to name but here's just a few: Josh who literally lives a floor above me and someone I came to for advice and support during my hardest times. Megan is like the older sister I always wish I had; her kind words both inside and outside of Bible Study continues to amaze me. As for Isaiah, I don't know where to begin. My respect and gratitude towards our friendship - he's helped me out tremendously but also has challenged me to get to the point where I am right now in my life. It brings me so much joy that they will all be my neighbors next year at College Station.
But most importantly, I met Kathryn. She continues to change my life for the greater good. I am fortunate enough to have her as a neighbor and as a future roommate next year. And because of her, I know that I made the right decision to come here.
"A friend is one that knows you as who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." - William Shakespeare
In a short amount of time, I will be on a plane ride back to Madison. I will be back to square one: new semester, new classes, new people but there's something different because I will be going back to the friends I have made during first semester. One piece of advice I can give is to continue surrounding yourself with the people who appreciate you as who you are. Because of the Navigators, I was able to find individuals who not only supported me but a sense of comfort that allowed me to ask them for advice. Wherever you are, you will find these kind of individuals just like I did.
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